The Making of PAST TENSE/FUTURE PERFECT

This is my first blog on the new site. My last site had a numerous amount of writings, but I thought to myself, time to move on. And I guess that’s as good of a lead-in as any to the thought behind my newest work- “Past Tense/ Future Perfect” Taking it back a bit- I was heart broken when another project I invested 9 months into, (yes 9 whole long months) completely crumbled from out from under me- I had a very different vision of what a professional creative partnership should look like then my collaborator; incredibly broken into bits, my best of friends and five time collaborator Bobby McGinnis said “let’s make a piece.” And so it began- we thought about making a film, but the theater was calling me name. Way back in October I just began saying in my out loud voice, “let’s do the piece at Dixon Place.” I had presented a bit of musical theater choreography there before and saw my dear friend Craig McArthur play the role of a harlequin in the space as well as witnessed a few other dance and magic shows. I always liked how intimate yet spacious the black box felt. Needless to say I had no intention of actually applying but the universe works in fabulously outstanding ways and low and behold- here we are with a show on April 7th! And that long introduction brings me to the premise of the work, how to move forward when we feel stuck in our past. After what I call “the spin” of thoughts playing over and over in my mind, I realized my thoughts were making me sick, sad, angry- and that’s really no way to live. So I do what I always do, make work to help me relieve inner turmoil (don’t get me wrong, sometimes the work I make is a celebration of life or at least an observation) but in this case I guess I was using creation as a way to help me move on from what I saw as my previous failure. Right around this time I was also studying the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza. He took me on a wild ride that gleefully combines quantum physics,neuroscience, chemistry and meditation. The work is geared to not only healing the body but to expanding to a greater sense of self and to live in the “quantum field” by removing yourself from yourself- physically changing your cell structure on the atomic level through what Joe loves to say “becoming no one, nothing, no where in no time” With pouring into Dispenza’s books and videos, I just was fascinated by the concept that most humans live in the past. Most human’s greatest achievements are spoken about, they’ve already happened. And those who live in the past can also become extremely effected by past traumas or even just a bad day- the body memorizes these feelings and can even become addicted to poor emotional states. We repeat to ourselves and others what’s bothering us for perhaps some kind of self validation or connection, yet we have to become careful because we can become addicted to complaining. -practice makes perfect. The more we complain, stew, re-tell, and ruminate in a “negative” happening, the more it creates stress in the body and soon our genes are firing because of an unhealthy environment- there may be an unhealthy balance of chemicals and hormones and soon we’re signaling our genes to fire in response to these toxic levels- end result, we get sick. The opposite though is true. When we live for tomorrow, when nothing in our past holds us back, when we’re constantly putting our future selves above and beyond our past selves, now we’re living in a world full of possibility. Now we are free from whatever happened to us three minutes ago or three months ago and don’t allow for an obnoxious loop of thoughts to hold us back- yes this is easier said then done, but everything is possible with practice. Back to my piece, I wanted to showcase these ideas with two characters. The first one is a solo that I’m performing, it’s a character who is stuck in the past, her memories weigh her down and she can’t seem to get past certain connections. She longs for what once was and doesn’t look forwards. I’m wearing heavy black wings as part of my costume, a metaphor for the weight we carry within us- maybe it’s guilt or shame, maybe it’s a love gone awry. The second character lives in the future- he’s a “cosmic roustabout” he is lit! And I think I found the perfect actor/dancer to play the part. And then, my beautiful atoms… the dancers, all circling around the future- they represent perfection, organized chaos, but everything lining up so beautifully. Dispenza says that once you get out of the way of yourself, you can play in that miraculous space where you can envision and participate in the future of your liking- just like how I kept saying, I want a show at Dixon Place then one day, boom! I run into the curator of “Under Exposed” at a performance, he asks me what I’m up to, I tell him I’m making a new piece, he asks where, and I say, how about Dixon Place, and he said, ok how’s April- and it was that easy! (Thanks Joe!) Back to my beautiful dancers, my visual inspiration is atoms surrounding my Future character with a wild yet organized structure- like a kaleidoscope. And here I am now, two minutes in to the juicy part of creating patterns and phrase work- ooooh I just got an idea to make a section mimicking fractals. Now the only thing I’m still pondering is the ending where these two characters need to come together- but I guess I can’t know everything quite yet! Trusting it will come is always part of the process,oh and getting rest- on that note, good night New York!